Day 21

For over a week now I have sat with the word “PADFUNT” written on a notepad.

“What is PADFUNT?” you might ask…

Fans of the hit television show New Girl know what I’m talking about.

Positivity Always, Decency Forever, Understanding No Trouble.

PADFUNT. This is my new goal. Well… let’s drop the decency forever. Decency isn’t really my strong suit. However, I’m making positivity always and understanding no trouble my bitches.

Recently I am being forced to focus on the PA.

Being the child of divorced parents and one of those being a mechanic have not always benefited me in the most desired ways. Both parents have never been wealthy and once driving age hit I got a car but not necessarily one to be proud of. Well maybe at age 16 but, with a father who thought he could always fix it, I was plagued with vehicles whose performance was never much past lackluster.

I am now 27 and I officialy have a nice car. Just a few days ago I sat with another man named Matt and signed my life over to a Chevy Sonic. It seems like a heavenly chorus should be squealing right now but my new found freedom is overshadowed by the big, black cloud that is INSURANCE.

Not 2 years after taking a degrading step back, and moving in with family, (I’m practically living in a closet like Harry Potter) I have taken a huge blow to my budget… the budget I had just gotten right where I wanted it.

Inside my brain for the past few days there has been a raging disgruntlement. My medical bills, from a surgery earlier this year, are slowly starting to clear up but now with a car payment and car insurance I shall be forever poor.

The brat in me is very unhappy right now but thankfully my new found desire to write these posts and try to be a better me is taking over.

Pretend you can see me throw a fist in the air and proclaim POSITIVITY  ALWAYS!

I have a car. Not just a car. A nice car. A newer car. I’ve been waiting for this for 11 years. Sure it’s more bills and will hender frivolous purchases but I am not letting the negativity brought on by financial struggle send me into a pit of depression. The Far Ace is staying fat and ace and blogging.

This is my first stumbling block on my journey in self-empowerment. We attempt to improve our quality of life and the result is crippling feelings because you’re going to have to put on big boy panties and budget and plan and not spend $50 at Best Buy every week.

I’m still holding on to healthier lunches (note: I said healthier) but, even though spending less money is taking priority over being healthy, I also see this car as motivation. There is a me that I want to be but maybe haven’t always felt like I could achieve becoming him. In the past, I have felt my car reflected on me. If it was messed up… I was messed up. 

Now I can feel proud to pull up to place where people are able to see me get out of my car. This new pride makes me also want to be proud of me, strive harder to diet & exercise & generally be happier.

Here’s to my second stepping stone in my guide to loneliness.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s