It is almost not longer taboo to be involved in the world of online dating. This is a pretty remarkable thing because of the added benefits that come from sites/apps such as OkCupid and Tinder.
You get to make a semi-informed decision about who you spend time with. You get to take your time learning about them before you subject yourself to the possibility of being cut up and put in a freezer. AND you get to be exposed to a much broader amount of potential suitors.
While this seems grand, it’s a little irritating at times when it comes to being Asexual. We have all the same variables others do in the great equation of match-making and then an added feature which seems to confuse and deter most.
How do we go about it then?
There are Asexual directed dating sites out there but they are all seemingly ghost towns. Most even still have people blatantly asking for just sex. With as large of communities as we have so far online, you would think we would have one ultra-mega dating site for Aces. That’s not the case though.
So… we join the masses.
I’ve hated them before. Being large, with mediocre aesthetics and openly asexual did not fill my net with the fattest of fishes. I would sign up. Delete. Sign up. Delete.
With this blog bringing about a new me, The Fat Ace, I knew I had to commit to my mission.
For some reason, Tinder scared me. I couldn’t keep an account for more than 24 hours before bailing. I felt like a goldfish in a fancy aquarium of exotic fish.
I had to have a stern talk with myself. Maybe you need to too.
I am worth something and these people are nothing until I let them be something. They are just photos. So what if they ‘unmatch’ me? You miss 100% of the swings you don’t take.
My goal was to improve my self-esteem by keeping Tinder and not just swiping but messaging every match I had. I played off what they wrote on their profile or had in their photos. If there was nothing else to go on I still at least asked how their week was going or how their weekend had been.
To my surprise I had several matches. Most even replied. Now, sure, conversations fell off and people disappeared but there are people who still interested in me as a person. This post is like two weeks over due but I’m glad I waited. If nothing else I am at least making some new friends and that feels really good.
I wasn’t sure to begin with if I should put if I was Ace. I don’t feel that is who I am… just a part of how I work. For this blog though I thought I wanted to see if people would still pay attention to me.
They did. They do.
Today I’m here to tell you that people aren’t necessarily appalled at our aceness. Mostly just confused. Tell people you’re ace but also offer to explain. We all have different nooks and crannies in our sexuality right? Offer to shed light on yours. I’ve had people say they experience similar feelings to mine. I’m helping people learn about themselves and they’re helping me learn about me.
With the holidays coming up, if you start to feel lonely… I suggest reaching out online. Promote the positive side of you and be proactive. Send messages. Don’t close yourself off either. You never know what you might find.
There is still a chance all of this positivity won’t end my loneliness or land me a unicorn.
This just another article in my guide to loneliness…
Make the most of it…
Don’t be lonely because you didn’t try though.
Don’t be lonely because those voices in your head said there’s nothing good about you.